I was reading archives from last year and I came across this post.
To be honest, it was gut wrenching. I had forgotten about it and when I read it I felt ill.
You see, I still have sadness about my miscarriage that occurred on Nov. 12 at 4pm.
When I read my own words about trusting the Lord with our family size back on March 19, 2007 I had not experienced the pain of losing a baby through miscarriage.
On March 19, 2007, I was naive about pregnancy loss and the pain that is involved. I was totally unaware that the Lord would have me go down this road.
When my husband and I decided to give that part of our lives over to Christ for Him to control we did not know what we were facing. But, God did.
Have I changed my mind about the decision we made? No, absolutely not.
In that post, I touched on being obsessed with getting pregnant back 10 years ago when we were trying to have a baby. I am having to fight off those urges now. I am having to force myself daily to leave all of it at the feet of Jesus.
I don't know how this journey will play out. I don't know if we will have another baby. I am learning to trust more and more. Trusting is hard. Pure and simple.