Tuesday, March 27, 2012


As I sit here in a quiet house at 9:30 in the morning (don't hate me, my girls are late sleepers:) I am, of course, thinking of the wedding coming up in a few short days.  It has been a little surreal at times because here in NoVa no one knows my son and Jessie so when I talk about it there is only surface talk.  You know what I'm talking about~ "My son is getting married."  "Oh, that's nice."  and then we talk about the logistics.

Inevitably, the statement is made~"You don't look old enough to have a son that is getting married."  Some days if I'm having a moody day I want to say, "Well obviously I am since I just told you that my son is getting married."  I don't ever say that but sometimes it's right on the tip of my tongue.

Since I will turn 39 shortly after Trevor gets married I have been reflecting on a lot of different things and I have come to the conclusion that I am not afraid to embrace age and all that it entails.  I have heard a couple of people recently bemoan getting older and even cursing the aging effect.  I can see where aging has it's negative side but I also see so many positives in getting older.

For one, I feel like I'm more comfortable in my skin.  I was a young wife and mother and I often felt very self conscience.  When we got married I was so unsure of myself. I was so miserable.  Not with my marriage but with myself.  I can remember just looking at myself and hating everything about me.  Not just appearance but everything.  The way I talked, the way I laughed, the way I kept house, the way I decorated the house.  EVERYTHING. And guess what, it all played out in my relationships as well.

There were so many times I felt pulled this way and that and none of what I was being pulled to was what I really liked or wanted.  Things started changing very slowly when I started staying home with my kids.  When I say slowly....I mean S..........L.........O, you get the picture.  It took years and years to get where I am.  I have setbacks sometimes but I feel more in love and comfortable with me now than I ever have before.

Now that I am older, I feel more at peace, more relaxed in myself.  I'm not afraid of gray hair (I have a lot and not going to dye it:)  I'm not afraid of wrinkles, they come with the territory.  Through love and  growth in Christ and my relationship with Him I've learned to love the person He created me to be.  Through the love of my husband I've learned how to trust, which is Christ teaching me in the flesh.

So when people look at me and say I don't look old enough to have a son that's getting married I just smile and say thank you, knowing that every gray hair and wrinkle has brought me to a new place with my relationship with Christ and the people I love.  I wouldn't change a thing.

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