Monday, August 15, 2011
On August 3, 2011, Mike and I celebrated our 20th anniversary.
Wow. I really can't believe it sometimes.
I've been thinking over the last few weeks about why we have made it this far. Let's be honest. When 2 18 yr olds with a baby get married, our first reaction is, "Uhh, yeah, that's probably not going to work."
We had quite a few people tell us that. Some were nice about it, some weren't.
So, why? Why have we been able to keep it going all these years?
First and foremost, God's mercy. Look, being married is wonderful when we are at our best. Horrible, when we are at our worst. I've not been the easiest person to live with. When there are insecurities, which I have had, there are rough patches.
When we first got married, I wanted to please everyone. My parents, his parents, sisters, brothers, cousins, uncles, the man walking down the street, the person behind me at the check out counter. I felt that if I just did whatever was expected of me they would be happy. Everyone would be happy. Everyone but me.
So I tried. I really did. I could write story after story about how I tried. But, at the end of the day, I was MISERABLE. And I made my husband miserable in the process. It took me years to realize I was killing myself. Slowly. Painfully.
I only had myself to blame. I had all these expectations on myself that I thought Mike wanted out of me. He didn't. He has made it clear through out our whole married life that all he cares about is me. Not what I can or can't do for him. Not what I look like. Not what I dress like. Not anything outwardly.
He loves me because I am me.
He models to me daily Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it.
We haven't had a perfect marriage. There's no such thing. We know that the odds & statistics were stacked against us. Thank God He doesn't go by odds & statistics.
We do have a marriage steeped in love, honesty, forgiveness, & commitment. Sure, we wear battle scars but anything worth having is worth fighting for.
There are times when those old insecurities creep in and the doubts start to take over. Moving to a new place will do that to you. The One who made me and knows every single, ugly thing about me, loves me.
I want to honor God and my husband every day. Sometimes I get it right. Sometimes I fail. At the end of the day I know I am loved and that is really all that matters.
Happy Anniversary, again, my love. You are truly the one I love the most.